Fanfiction and cocks -- is bigger really better?

[themostepotente]

How many times have you been reading a fic and you're really into it 'n shit and all like -- Yes, yes, YES...NO! Did the writer really just give Snape a 12 inch cock?

A 12 INCH COCK? Halt. Backspace. Put a fork in me, I'm done.

Oh, yes, because offline I've just run into sooo many guys with enormous schlongs. Okay, I understand fanfiction is supposed to have an element of fantasy, but COME THE FUCK ON.

The biggest cock I saw in front of my face (and not at the gay male strip club :P) was about 8 inches. Um, 8 inches is pretty damn big, folks. I cannot fathom what 12 inches up the ass would feel like. The likelihood of it even 'fitting'...

By the same token, I was equally turned off by an author who gave Harry a FOUR inch prick. FOUR? FOUR? Golf anyone? *facepalm*

How could you do that to Harry, man? Okay, now Draco is fair game.

So to all of you writers that mention cock size -- what's reasonable? What's unreasonable?

Who do you give bigger wangs to? Smaller ones?

The average cock size is 4-6 inches. I usually stick between 6-8 inches. And well, since Snape is ugly, dammit, he deserves a bigger cock.

Love to hear from everyone -- especially the guys!

--P

Comments

[theladyfeylene.livejournal.com]

My Snape has a 6 inch cock. My Remus has 8 inches. Ron's 7 and a half, because I think it fits him. I stick between 5-9, personally.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

All very reasonable :-)

[atdelphi.livejournal.com]

First off, I don't see any reason for inches to come up (no pun intended) in fic, unless a ruler is somehow involved - I just assume that all characters are more or less proportionate.

And the biggest I've seen is ten inches - keeping in mind that the guy is six foot five. Proportions, people.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Okay, dear -- so I must ask? How hung is Filch? *grins*

[ceilidh]

I don't even like mentioning a number. I mean, do they get out one of those little enchanted measuring tapes from Madam Malkin's and measure? ;) I'd rather describe what they do with it than how big/small it is.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I agree -- but now you have me wondering about enchanted measuring tapes :-)

[alysbowie.livejournal.com]

I rarely ever actually mention cock size in my fics - I like to let the reader imagine. But in my own mind, it's usually about 7-8 inches.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Letting the reader imagine the size is best, I think.

[froda-baggins.livejournal.com]

12 inches? Now, I don't consider myself experienced in any sense of the word, but come on.

I don't talk about size in my fics at all. WTF do I care if Remus has a 7 incher or an 8 incher or bigger? Just get to the sex already. Heh.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

It happens -- much more than I'd like. And it's very unreasonable. I mean, even flaccid that thing would snake down someone's thigh halfway :P LOL

[ptyx.livejournal.com]

No numbers, please. Unless there's a good reason for mentioning it, but I can't imagine a good one.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I don't mind a figure here and there, but dear LORD, some of these people have no size concept whatsoever.

[violet_quill]

Good lord, 12 inches? I suspect this was written by someone who has not had a very large cock up their ass. Unless that was the point of the story, like:

Snape: *pulls out gigantic, unnatural schlong*
Harry: GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! *screams, runs away*

I also do not tend to mention size, but I suppose I tend to think in the 6-8 range. Though maybe Snape does get 9, because you're right, he deserves it.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*dies* Damn skippy he does!

And no, I gather they never had the experience.

[donnaimmaculata.livejournal.com]

I never mention numbers if only because I use the metric system and having to convert it into inch would make my brain hurt. I merely say it's huge. And yes, size does matter, at least from an aesthetic point of view. (A cock, as such, can hardly be called pretty. But a big one demands respect.)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Have you ever seen Peter Steele's cock? He's the lead singer of Type O Negative. He did a Playgirl spread.

That man...has a beautiful cock.

[randomxinsanity.livejournal.com]

And well, since Snape is ugly, dammit, he deserves a bigger cock.

Exactly! ;)

I don't write...but I tend to get flipped out when a specific size - any specific size - is mentioned during a sex scene. Especially the one, I forget where (prolly ff.net), in which Harry had a 6cm...six centimeters!! prick. That like, 2.2 inches. The first thing that popped into my mind was does Harry have Kleinfelter's now?

Mentioning penis size outside of a sex scene, and within a 5-9 inch range, doesn't bother me.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

2.2 inches? Oh man, that is just WRONG!

[dementedsiren.livejournal.com]

Also, the bigger the nose, the bigger the cock, right?

Four? Four? *snickers* Seriously, I tend to shy away from describing exact size. I can't imagine a twelve foot cock fitting anywhere, but if people want to imagine that they can be that big, well, who am I to stop them?

Although... perhaps smut writers should begin putting warnings at the beginning of fics, something to the effect of "Do not try to shove a foot long anything into any bodily orifice without first consulting your healthcare provider"...just to be safe, you know.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Kinda like the 'coffee is fuckin hot, be careful assholes' warning? LOL

[anise-anise.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I just spewed coke all over my keyboard. *mops up* *g*
I soooo needed a laugh. I never mention size in my writing, and I prefer not to read it either. Graphicly written sex scenes are wonderful, but I so don't need measurements. That takes it right from erotic to clinical in my mind. And 12 inches? *cringe* I'd run screaming from the room.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I'm be running from the room right after you :-)

[gmth.livejournal.com]

I've seen a couple of gay porn flicks with guys with 11 or 12 inch cocks. It's actually kinda neat to watch. The bottoms certainly didn't seem to be complaining. ;-)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I'm 'almost' tempted to ask to borrow those :-)

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

I *so* don't mention size. I sort of know which ones think of their partners as noticeably big and which ones don't, but I haven't got out that mental tape measure. Proportionate. And Snape, well, he's got a big nose, and you know what they say about men with big noses.

And, you know, what they're doing and how much they're enjoying it is so much more important.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Proportion, yes. Agreed 100 percent!

[rikibeth.livejournal.com]

oh, and the other reason i don't mention size? If I did, I'd be focusing close enough to have to give a more detailed description of the cock, and guess what, in the Potterverse they're probably mostly uncut, and I've only seen one uncut one IRL, and it was in a hot tub, socially, not in a more intimate setting where I'd get to experiment, and I am SO not going to write detailed descriptions of playing with uncut bits when I *haven't*.

If you care to draw conclusions about my own experience from what I will describe in my fics... er. well. this is why I hope my mother never reads it.

[thetreacletart.livejournal.com]

I try not to mention the length of anything. I start to wonder if I need to convert to the metric system and I spaz out. Inches? Centimeters? Who needs it?

Also - they are wizards and they are men. I have to think that they would have worked something out to aid in male enhancement. Muggles have all sorts of pills and strange Swedish pumps, I'm sure wizards can transfigure their manhood. If they haven't then they're just being lazy.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I am now picturing Harry saying to Snape...

"That's not mine. That's not my bag, baby."

Harry 'Danger' Potter indeed.

[morgi.livejournal.com]

You have the best comments in your journal. I think so far dementedsiren takes the prize for most laughs for this post.

Anyway. I read very little fanfic, and don't write it, but I do read a lot of modern romance and putter about writing it as well, and I think that specific mention of size is a bit crass. Without it I just sort of assume that partners are good fits and leave it at that. Perhaps Ye Olde Virginal Heroine might be a big surprised that *that* would fit *there*, but other than that I don't care for the "OMG it's so BIG!" sort of thing.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I do try and come up with some interesting debates if I can help it :-)

I think I love dementedsiren by the way for saying that.

[odogoddess.livejournal.com]

Well, first of all - 12 inches? Talk about the writer's fantasy making its way into a fic... Now that there is anything wrong with that, but if she wants it to be that large then perhaps she should just describe it as "long and huge" or "big and thick" or some such descriptive and the reader can interpret it as they like. Unless there's a point to it in the fic; i.e. - they're having a size contest or Harry is a size queen, etc.; there's no real need to state specifically.

Speaking as a person who worked in the medical profession for years and saw literally hundreds of cocks on hundreds of kinds of physical frames I'd guesstimate Snape's erect penis is probably uncut, about 7 inches and probably on the thinner side. However, I doubt I'd write that into a fic unless there was a good reason. Say a shrinking spell is used on the organ in question and Pomfrey wants to know if it's been fully restored or not. Then again, how many men, even in the magical universe, are likely to say "oh, yes, five inches is exactly right, stop now?" I'd imagine even an honest and affable individual like Arthur Weasley would be likely to say "oh, dear, no, please keep going." Hm... sounds like a scene I'd like to read, actually, but I digress. :)

Second of all - in re: Harry's penis, was that four inches flaccid or hard? If it's a chan, it *could* be four inches. Most boys get their height before their penis catches up, sometimes as much as two years later. It's not uncommon for some 15-16 year olds to have a skinny boy-sized penis until their growth catches up. Mind you, it's a skinny, boy-sized penis that is fully functional. So I could kind of work around that in a fic, but if they're saying Harry is four inches and he's fully grown, well... yes, it's possible, but a bit unkind. Given that erection he's seen to have in PoA (when Hermione wakes him up after the Time-Turner adventure watch as the camera pans down his body) I'd say it's unlikely. He looks to have a nice average-sized teenage cock, but that's just imho.

Also the state of it flaccid is not a good indicator of it's size erect except in guys who 'hang' long when flaccid. There are a lot of men with what is called a "turtlecock", meaning it usually tucks itself into the body cavity until it's needed. These guys look like they have hardly any penis, but when they get hard it really extends way out into something respectable. Meanwhile, guys who 'hang' long when flaccid don't usually erect a lot. Which is a good thing since that much loss of blood to the brain might well cause them to faint. ;-)

Anyway, that was a fun post! (but why am I now tempted to shout "power to the penis"?)

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

Yup "growers" vs. "showers".

[maelwaedd.livejournal.com]

I know a guy with a thirteen inch cock.
His nickname's 'Ripper'.

I never mention penis size unless I'm writing parody slash. Never. This comes partly because I'm gay and therefore don't want to think about penises, even if I do find slash very appealing. I really don't need details.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Ripper? Ouchies! Is his first name Jack?

[thistlefinch.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've read more than 2 or 3 fics that actually mentioned inches, but it completely agree that "halt. backspace" is my general reaction to seeing numbers. It's like "dammit, I had a nice picture going in my head, and now you've %$*%$@-ed it up, thanks."

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's like jerking the rug out from under you, I know.

And that icon has me in stitches :-)

[lrodell.livejournal.com]

have no stories, no bases for comparison, just want y'all to know that I love coming here--and I'm glad *I* wasn't drinking anything [hands Coke lady a towel]^^

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Stop by any time!

[qurinas.livejournal.com]

Well, here I am responding. ::wonders if he is the first guy:: Sadly, I haven't had a chance to read all the comments. But, here are a few of my thoughts.

1) I don't think it's all that necessary to discuss in fic. But, that might just be a writing style thing. ::shrugs::

2) I would say average penis size is between 5-8 inches. Erect that is... see further comments.

3) I wonder if the "Grow-er"/"Show-er" difference comes up in fic. Size varies GREATLY when penis are not erect. Someone could have a 2 inch dick, that grows to a 9 inch monster when erect. By the same note, someone could be 7 inches falccid and 7 and 1/4 erect.

I think those are my thoughts on the matter. I'll see if I can come up with anymore. :)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

You are the first guy to respond, Alan :-)

Love a male's PoV. But, uh -- you didn't share about your own wanker :-)

[voldiespet.livejournal.com]

Still trying to decide if Walden Macnair is hung like a centaur... I'll get back to you ;)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I think...Walden's axe is an extension of his penis. *ducks*

[tarnationawaits.livejournal.com]

(Didn't read the comments yet, so I don't know how much of this has been said before)

As far as I was aware, 6 inches is average. And that still has no bearing on what I'm about to say.

There are few things that turn me off to a smutfic faster than repeated statements about the size and shape the characters' cocks. I really think it's unnecessary to go on and on about Lupin's "remarkably huge and glorious cock" or how "Snape's was longer than his, but thinner and a slightly darker shade of purple". If I see "impressive length" more than three times in a fic, I will stop reading arbitrarily, no matter how good the rest of the writing is. I guess it's a case of it not being the size that's important, but what they do with what they've got.

More than that, I think there is really no excuse for inch statistics to come up in fic. Maybe that's me, but I just don't see how that can be worked in and still result in a fic that doesn't break the mood immediately. What, did they pull out the measuring tape in the middle of buggering each other so the author could be accurate in recording the event? To answer your question though, I think 6-8 inches is reasonable. Over that, I start to use my "bitch, please" icon.

/rant. :D

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Well, you know -- now I must see the 'bitch, please' icon :-)

[shagsthedustmop.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm a gal of course but I don't like really big schlongs either. They hurt. Even my husband's is a bit too big honestly.

*sigh*

They do *look* nice though.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Don't they? You almost want to have them bronzed -- like baby shoes :-)

[twigged.livejournal.com]

I cringe whenever an author specifies length. It's just so *clinical* and... not sexy. Size truly doesn't matter in fiction and I'm not going to be more titillated at fic!Snape having a 12" cock instead of a 6 incher.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Clinical, yes. Just like I hate the terms 'penis' and 'vagina.' Too damn clinical.