Fandom Discussion: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy -- The Appeal of Awkward and Imperfect Sex

[themostepotente]

I've noticed come fic exchanges or challenges that a lot of people list 'awkward' or 'imperfect' sex as a kink. Since the notion of imperfect sex is less than ideal, I started to wonder why so many of us found this not only appealing, but in some cases, preferred.

For me, it's always been about the realism of the situation. A first time experience is not always going to perfect or even enjoyable. And along with the clumsy boy sex, you have emotion (or lack thereof) partnered with this.

I think that some writers tend to get too caught up in the escapism of the storybook romance. Sure, there are people here for the fantasy aspect, and that should be left to the reader's discretion. I'm not here to dispute that. We like what we like, and I see absolutely no need to apologize for that. But really, when it all boils down to it, I know I would rather read about premature ejaculation, loss of self control, cocks slipping out, painful sex, and sloppy cock sucks.

Since I've been in fandom, I've discovered that stories where one's expectation of a sexual situation or partner falls short of the mark really tend to strike chords with me. There is one such story by icarusancalion where Lucius Malfoy isn't quite the casanova he's made himself out to be. It might not click with a lot of Lucius fans, but it's a touch of brilliance that really accentuates his humanness. (No -- that was not a dig at Lucius either. If anything, it makes me appreciate the character that much more.)

I think for me, half the fun is getting there. It could be Snape tutoring Lupin in the art of tantric sex. It could be Harry taking Draco's virginity. It could be Neville -- shy, sweet Neville -- who knows little at first and slowly becomes a sexual dynamo. The possibilities are limitless. But there is anxiety and over-enthusiasm and really horrific sex, and all I'm saying really is 'it's just a part of life.'

What are everyone else's feelings on awkward and imperfect sex?

Recs about the aforementioned topic are gold, people.

--P

Comments

[jennyanydots21.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're right. Perfect first-time sex (or even most time sex!) is just too Mills and Boon.

[author-by-night.livejournal.com]

I don't *mind* sex (as long as it's legal), but I don't read fics all about it, because to me, the books are about so much more than that. If the scene deals with the war or something, I'll read it, but otherwise... if I don't sense the world I was drawn into six years ago in the fic, I can't get into it, even if there's no sex at all.

Plus, I don't like reading heavy sex. Implications are fine, but otherwise? No thanks.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I think you're missing the point, dear. But really, if reading fics with explicit sex isn't your cuppa, I guess the point is moot.

[dreamsinvisible.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree with you more. I like the imperfections of sex scenes. If it's too story book it pulls me out of the story just as fast as if something holy impossible is done. I want the dirty, sometimes embarassing, slightly painful at times real life sex! And it actually kind of bugs me when a fic has people repeatedly orgasming at the same time. How often does that happen in real life? Seriously. I mean, sure it's nice when it happens, but it's kind of like winning the lottery.

I have quite a few stories that have excellent sex scenes...if I can only find them. I'm sure I'll be back with links later. :D

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

And it actually kind of bugs me when a fic has people repeatedly orgasming at the same time. How often does that happen in real life?

Never? LOL! Well, it's never happened to me.

[tarotemp.livejournal.com]

For me, it's the "realism" factor. Sex (esp. "first time" sex) IS clumsy with elbows and knees in all the wrong places at the wrong time. There's lots of muttered "sorrys" and shy, nervous giggles.

That's what makes it real... TANGIBLE.

That unattainable Harlequin Romance shite is for the birds - it's never like that in real life. (Or, at least, from my personal experience. Heh.)

Awkward/imperfect sex scenes are charming, endearing and hit all the right buttons.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

For me, it's the "realism" factor. Sex (esp. "first time" sex) IS clumsy with elbows and knees in all the wrong places at the wrong time. There's lots of muttered "sorrys" and shy, nervous giggles.

I had Harry accidentally knee Snape in the groin changing positions. *G*

[gmth.livejournal.com]

If I want imperfect sex, all I have to do is think back on my own sex life. That's one of the things I come to fandom to escape.

[lobelia321.livejournal.com]

Yes! I was just thinking: imperfect sex in fanfic? Why, o why? Well, I can see 'why oh why' but I am a sucker for the shmoopy doopy wow sex. *g*

[triestine.livejournal.com]

I like it; very few things make me roll my eyes as "virgin turns sex god(des) in a single session", but on the other hand I must admit that persistently awkward sex ("Shattered" being a famous example) makes me shrug just as much. If the story contains more than one encounter, I prefer them to be normal, that is, sometimes more involving, sometimes less, depending on how the characters feel about life at the moment, if that makes sense.

[ook.livejournal.com]

Yes...Nym's Snarry fic "Shattered" is a perfect example of this. I do wish the author would finish revising the story and repost it. :)

[balfrog.livejournal.com]

The bit about reading imperfect sex that I DO like, is that it's smuttier- probably because with all the fumbling and mess, it's more attentive to the body. And thus weirdly dirtier.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Ha ha -- the mess! Lube? Come? Something different entirely? *G*

[marksykins.livejournal.com]

I love imperfect sex. I don't mean that every sexual experience has to be a disaster because that isn't realistic, either, but I love fumbling and shyness and desperation and when it's hard to pull open buttons one-handed because if two people can get over that and still have a really great time? That's just hot.

Oh, and drunk sex. Because drunks are funny. *g*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Drunk sex? Ha ha -- tell that to my ex. I got sick right in the middle of fucking one time :P

I knew this discussion would be right up your alley :-)

[nosinabook.livejournal.com]

There was a great article in the March/April issue of the Utne reader about this very subject.

It was called "How to write a Sex Scene: the 12-step program" By Steve Almond. Very funny. Basically, he says to make sex REAL; use all the senss, all the fluids, don't get too wrapped up in the act itself but remember to include foreplay and conversation (and not just FUCK ME, DAMMIT!) and don't forget the non-genitalia.

A really, really good article. Wish it was online for free....

[millefiori.livejournal.com]

I used to have a subscription to Utne Reader back in the day, and I keep thinking I should renew it. Now I *know* I should've renewed it!!

[reddwarfer.livejournal.com]

I love imperfect sex between people who love each other because it often illustrates that there is more there than just lust and a good shag. I also like it when it is just one aspect. Some people write blow jobs, rimming, hand jobs and anal sex all in the same scene and it is not like I don't like it, but it is like yeah. These are men. Men just don't last that long without cockrings. I also prefer the non-calling out name thing. I have never once called out a name during that time. It is seems forced.

Leila

[iulia_linnea.livejournal.com]

*blushes*

It is forced in my RL, but not in the way you mean. When I see that in a fic, I always think, "Yep."

[scribbling-elf.livejournal.com]

It depends somewhat on my mood what I feel like reading, but over all I like realism in sex, particularly the first time. Yes, I often enjoy reading sex scenes that are an idealized version of real life, as long as they don't push the boundaries of realism *too much* (of course, what realism is is rather subjective).

I'm curious about the Lucius story you mention here--would you mind providing a link for it? :)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

An Elegant Man (http://home.earthlink.net/~dinkbird/stories/anelegantman.html)

There you go! Enjoy!

[eudaimon.livejournal.com]

I have to say I had fun (bringing up the femmeslash angle), when I wrote Hermione/Tonks for a series I finished recently - Hermione's first time, Tonks painted quite experienced, Hermione got off, Tonks went to bed wanting. I think imperfect sex allows realism (who hasn't had imperfect sex from time to time).

So...uh...yes. My 10pence :b

R

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Lucius always struck me as being a selfish lover. I could see him getting off and leaving the other person for naught. So I see your example very clearly.

[iulia_linnea.livejournal.com]

I do like awkward sex sometimes, but variety is nice; sometimes, realism gets in the way, as well. I don't know that I go looking for anything in particular when I'm searching for fic, though I do have my kinks. That said, do you have a link to the Lucius fic you described? I'm intrigued.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

An Elegant Man (http://home.earthlink.net/~dinkbird/stories/anelegantman.html)

There you go, dear!

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

I like imperfect sex, especially in first time fics. It seems much more realistic. I find it hard to believe that a person's first time could be the perfect, fireworks-type experience. Unless, maybe, there's a very experienced, probably older, partner who knows exactly what they're doing.

Also, isn't hatesex another form of imperfect sex? I mean, okay, hatesex can be a passionate, mind-blowing experience, but it can also be painful and not very enjoyable, even if it's a good sort of pain. *g*

Two fics I can think of are: (although you've probably read them)

Seeker to Seeker (http://archive.skyehawke.com/story.php?no=261) by BaronNomaw

Fucking Virginity (http://www.livejournal.com/community/pornish_pixies/43152.html) by philalethia.

Both H/D. I don't read too much of this pairing but I liked these because they're snarky.

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

And I forgot to add that I like "perfect" sex as well. Actually, I like many and different kinds of sex. It seems I have too many kinks. *g*

[froggie.livejournal.com]

I agree with this. I think imperfection makes sex more realistic, and for whatever reason that makes it more sexy.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

It shouldn't be that way all the time, or else that'd be sexual incompatibility, and liek wtf, but people do get tired, just don't feel like it etc etc.

[atalantapendrag.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd like downright unpleasant sex in a fic, but awkwardness and uncertainty, especially if the characters are inexperienced, makes it easier to identify with the characters for me.

S' funny you should mention it, pd_darragh and I were just discussing some awkward elements we wanted to work into the Oliver/Percy fic we're working on.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I could totally see awkward elements with Oliver/Percy. Seems very IC for the pairing.

[scarah2.livejournal.com]

I was reading some Snape/Hermione one time (chut up!) and I was like hahaha, she didn't have an orgasm her first time, that's hot.

Go back to China, bitch.

[evil-laugher.livejournal.com]

I love random "Donnie Darko" references, sorry.

[imperfictions.livejournal.com]

Well, as an earlier poster said up the thread, if in one's real life the diaphragm is hurtling unexpectedly across the room due to the clumsiness of one or both participants, a little perfect sex in fanfic can be nice to escape to.

On the other hand, overly perfect sex does make the characters seem more like porn stars than like people with inner lives. So: I guess what I like best in a fic is pretty damn good sex with occasional stylized gestures towards imperfection. Misplaced elbows, yes. Embarrassing slurping noises during a blow job, sure. One participant zoning out to write his/her dissertation in his/her head during the climactic moment: no. Give me a few fantasies to cling to; this is after all my fantasy life.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know about a diaphragm, but how about a condom? *G*

Dissertation? *chuckles* Falling asleep would be worse :P

[cmere.livejournal.com]

I do like touches of imperfection, but sex that just isn't good is not what I read for. I like slow buildups of pleasure and amazing orgasms, maybe with a few bumps along the road, but in the end I want it to be good.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying that the sex should be shitty every time. See my above comment about sexual incompatibility.

But stories with synchronized orgasms and everlasting erections? Not for me. Too unrealistic.

How's LMOM going, dear?

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

Here via hogwarts_today. Imperfect sex is fine with me. I'm even writing my characters (in a current WIP) having imperfect sex and expressing their unhappiness about it. Imperfect sex is much more reflective of real life than storybook sex (at least in my personal married experience of 15+ years;)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

That just paves the way for a slow build-up of improvement, you know?

Visiting via <lj comm="hogwarts_today">

[scatteredlogic.livejournal.com]

I don't mind a certain amount of awkwardness or tentative actions, but... Meh. I generally read fanfic for the escapist qualities. If I want imperfect sex, I have reality for that. ;)

Re: Visiting via <lj comm="hogwarts_today">

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong with escapism. Some authors just tend to overdo the storybook scenario, and I've noticed it's mostly Snarry.

[its-art.livejournal.com]

The other day I was writing a sex scene that took place on top of a wet canvas. As in a PAINT canvas. The girl was an artist and had just finished a painting. Guy was very horny and they ended up toppling the canvas and writhing around on it.

I realized partway through writing this scene that, dude... It would probably be REALLY UNPLEASANT to fuck on top of wet paint. I mean, the type of paint she was using wasn't hazardous or anything, but still... Acyrlic tastes NASTY if you accidentally get it in your mouth and I wouldn't want to.... Errr... get it anywhere else.

So as they were writhing around, the guy kind of realized that and sat up and said, "You know, I don't think I really thought this through."

Much more realistic, and I thought a funny moment.

And then it ended up being shower sex instead.

Not exactly what you were asking for, but hey, worth a mention.

Sometimes reality just slaps you in the face. (Ignoring the fact I was writing about the son of VAMPIRES and his DEMON girlfriend....)

[triestine.livejournal.com]

I want to read that!

Here from HT :)

[midnitemaraud-r.livejournal.com]

I enjoy it because it makes the characters seem more real, and I'm all about character development and realistic seeming situations.

As for recs, xellas wrote A First Time For Everything (http://www.livejournal.com/users/xellas/41845.html#cutid1) (R/S Rated R) which is all about the bad sex, and consequently very good.

Re: Here from HT :)

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Oooh, yay -- a rec I haven't read. Thankee!

[libitina]

So there is idealised perfect sex. And people complain about always reading the same sex scene over and over... to get your perfect sex to be different, you either have to be more vague (fewer body parts and more interpersonal reactions... and this is so not a bad thing) or more specific (and then it become a plumbing story).

Imperfect sex, however, can go wrong in so many different ways. And it can be funny or endearing... or tear at your heart string just a wee bit more.

In my personal life, I get bored of perfect sex. If it has to be the best ever every single time... well, *yawn*. I want to laugh during sex. I want to be doing something really nasty and have my partner fart... and then laugh together because we are human and are willing to let each other be human -- willing to let our guards down. For me... if I can trust the person enough not to have perfect sex, then I am more relaxed and happy and willing... and more likely to orgasm.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I want to laugh during sex. I want to be doing something really nasty and have my partner fart... and then laugh together because we are human and are willing to let each other be human -- willing to let our guards down.

That is so odd you mentioned that. I was just wondering about that the other day. I haven't seen it surface in a fic yet.

[emerald-dragon8.livejournal.com]

This is very true, and I definately think that imperfect sex has an appeal to it. It feels very real, and is often funny to read (it does depend on the author though).
I've even got turned off a few fics, because it was perfect every fucking time, and thats just not real.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I've even got turned off a few fics, because it was perfect every fucking time, and thats just not real.

I have a hard time reading PWP's nowadays because of this.