Sorry, guys...

[themostepotente]

I haven't spoken about my mother's death since last April.

Her estate was finalised this week. My sister sent me a check today. I feel very undeserving of this money even though I have a house I need to maintain. Credit cards I can finally pay off and be rid of. Fuck, even my motorcycle loan.

I should feel elated by all of this, really. Triumphant even.

I don't. It just depresses the shit out of me.

This past year has made me a very different person.

And now there's no going back.

***

I am going to try and get some recs out tonight even though my head is pounding.

--P

Comments

[cornmouse.livejournal.com]

I am just popping in to say that I completely understand what you're feeling right now. My daddy passed away on the 18th of this month and I can tell right now that I'll never be the same. I'm glad that the estate is settled and all is done, but I"m sorry that she's gone. It's a mixed bag. Anywho, I didn't know you when she passed so forgive my lateness when I say how sorry I am for your loss.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I feel so bad for not having gotten to this sooner...

Rest assured, you have been in my thoughts. Oh, honey, I am so very sorry to hear about your father. I dread May, because that will mark the twenty years it's been since my father passed away.

If you ever need an ear or a shoulder, please email me. I'd more than happily extend my cell phone number if you needed to talk. Just know that you would never have to go through this alone. Friends are what got me through two passings.

{{{HUGS YOU}}}

[cornmouse.livejournal.com]

Oh no! I understand completely about not getting back sooner. I've not dealt with some comment and email replies until this evening (and they're about 2 weeks old. Oops?). In a really odd sense, talking about it and commenting back to people is part of acknowledging that he's really gone - which is still a bit hard to do.

I really appreciate the kindness you're showing me. I do have one question, if you don't mind answering. When you lost your father, did it take you a long time to get over it?

Hm, "get over it" is such a broad term, because really, what is "getting over it"? I'm not even sure myself, which leads me to wonder why that is the question I'm asking. I suppose what I'm driving at is, "how long did it take for the constant pang of pain to go away?" It's a wound that's still so fresh. I know things eventually close and scar over, but christ, how long does that take? I still feel like I'm bleeding here. -.-;;

>.>
<.<
On an entirely random note, will I see you at Az this year?