Sorry, guys...

[themostepotente]

I haven't spoken about my mother's death since last April.

Her estate was finalised this week. My sister sent me a check today. I feel very undeserving of this money even though I have a house I need to maintain. Credit cards I can finally pay off and be rid of. Fuck, even my motorcycle loan.

I should feel elated by all of this, really. Triumphant even.

I don't. It just depresses the shit out of me.

This past year has made me a very different person.

And now there's no going back.

***

I am going to try and get some recs out tonight even though my head is pounding.

--P

Comments

[pauraque]

When I got the money from my mom's insurance and savings I also felt very undeserving and guilty. I think that's why I never did anything with it, when I "should have" invested it or something.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

It's never too late to invest it. Mine's in a savings account for now. The interest rates suck all around.

And oh my goodness, Eo, how are you? Your fandom presence has been sorely missed. *hugs*

[roastchicken.livejournal.com]

♥

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*hearts back* How are you doing, hon?

[sesheta-66.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I would much rather have my dad back than no mortgage. :(

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

God, I miss my dad, too. It'll be 20 years this May. Where does the time go? *hugs*

[http://users.livejournal.com/_hannelore/]

Good thoughts to you, P.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie :-)

[incapricious.livejournal.com]

♥ ♥ ♥

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

Here, have an Ishida! I need an Urahara icon :P

[brknhalo241.livejournal.com]

I buried my mother 11 years ago and still feel the repercussions of her loss every day. There truly is no going back and the first year is the hardest since it's what I call the "Year Of Firsts." First Christmas without her, first birthday without her good wishes, first Mother's Day with no mother. By marginal inches it gets easier every year but you will be forever changed. Some changes will be bad and some will be, to your surprise, good. Mothers want their children to be taken care of so, if paying off debts would carry her sigh of relief floating to you on a breeze, then pay off your debts and know that you are deserving because your mother believed it to be true.

It really does get easier ... eventually.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

What a lovely post of encouragement. Thank you. This made me all teary-eyed. And yes, it does get easier over time. It'll be 20 years this May that my dad's been good. I miss them both so much, though. *hugs*

[mizbean.livejournal.com]

My sympathies. ♥

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Thank you, honey. *hearts*

[gestaltrose.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* because we can use some. *loves*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*whispers* Thank you.

[femmequixotic]

*hugs*

I understand. I felt the same way when my dad's estate was settled. And I totally understand feeling like it all makes you a different person. It truly does.

Thinking about you tonight, hon. Very much.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I am very late in responding to this. I do apologise.

It's amazing how just seven words can set your mind at ease. Thanks for thinking of me, Femme. *hugs*

[venivincere]

*hugs you*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*kiss*

[red_squared]

No need to apologise to us (me, anyway), sweet. Take as much time out as you want.

*hugs you hard*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support, sweetie. *hugs you back harder*

[myrafur.livejournal.com]

I can't imagine your pain, love, but my heart goes out to you.

You are cherished.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I'm really touched by your kindness, Myra. Thank you, hon :-)

[amorettea.livejournal.com]

Those of us of a certain age can very much sympathize. You are an adult now, without another generation to protect you, and that is very painful. But it is part of life and your mother would probably tell you that. Now go spend some money on something that makes you smile. Your mom wants to see you smile.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

For now, I banked it. Actually, I think it would make her smile to see that I was being responsible.

As my boss said to me not long after he lost his father... No matter what age we lose our loved ones, it's never enough time. And sadly, it isn't.

[yamapea.livejournal.com]

*snuggles you* ♥

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*nestles in the crook of your arm*

[djin7.livejournal.com]

When my mother died, and we (the kids) got our portions of her life insurance, I sat down with my Dad to discuss how best to deal with the money. What to do? Of course, paying off the debt. Once that was done, I was conflicted - should I bank it? Invest?

My Dad said, and I'll never forget it, "DJ, your mother never saved a penny in her life. She would want you to spend it on something fun or frivolous. Go bring some fun into an otherwise terrible year."

So I did. But I would give it all back to have my mum to talk to. *hugs*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I would, too. That's one of the things I miss the most. Daughters are supposed to have their mothers to talk to.

Thanks for the hugs, hon. I can always use them :-)

[svartalfur.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*snuzzes*

[ariadneelda.livejournal.com]

I'd still give *anything* to have my father back. And it's been 24 years since he died.

I wish I could say something to make you feel a bit better. *hugs you tight*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

20 years for me this May for my father. Time goes by so quickly. And sometimes just listening is all it takes, Ari. *hugs*

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thinking of you. xxx

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

xxxoooxxx

[erastes.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel - it's a horrid mixutre of guilt and all sorts of other conflicting feelings. Just think to yourself that your mother would want you to have it. She would, I am sure. don't blow it all though! *hug hug*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't that be a shopping spree! LOL

[huntress1013.livejournal.com]

:HUGS:

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*HUGS BACK*

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

It's expected you won't feel elated by that. Relieved, sure, but elated, not so much. *hugs*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

I am relived it's over. Well, almost. Just sorting out some last minute details with my sister regarding the house.

[triestine.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*hugs back*

[gatewaygirl.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I haven't been through the death of a parent yet, so I can't say I truly understand, but every time something happens -- my mom has been hospitalized twice in the last five years -- the dread of it hits me again. Receiving your inheritance is part of your loss, however logistically favorable money might be.

Do the best you can, and know that you have the sympathy of your friends (and many of your more acquaintance-type lj 'friends') in this sad life-change.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

Thanks, GG. Your support really means a lot to me. I'm here for you, too. When you need me.

[dracofiend.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Heartfelt sympathies, P. ♥

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*snuzzes* Thanks, sweetie :-)

[ravenpan.livejournal.com]

*hugs tight*

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

*hugs back even tighter*