Sorry, guys...

[themostepotente]

I haven't spoken about my mother's death since last April.

Her estate was finalised this week. My sister sent me a check today. I feel very undeserving of this money even though I have a house I need to maintain. Credit cards I can finally pay off and be rid of. Fuck, even my motorcycle loan.

I should feel elated by all of this, really. Triumphant even.

I don't. It just depresses the shit out of me.

This past year has made me a very different person.

And now there's no going back.

***

I am going to try and get some recs out tonight even though my head is pounding.

--P

Comments

[amorettea.livejournal.com]

Those of us of a certain age can very much sympathize. You are an adult now, without another generation to protect you, and that is very painful. But it is part of life and your mother would probably tell you that. Now go spend some money on something that makes you smile. Your mom wants to see you smile.

[themostepotente.livejournal.com]

For now, I banked it. Actually, I think it would make her smile to see that I was being responsible.

As my boss said to me not long after he lost his father... No matter what age we lose our loved ones, it's never enough time. And sadly, it isn't.