themostepotente | TMP's Deathly Hallows Review!

Deathly Hallows Review

So yeah, I promised a Deathly Hallows review last week. I have to be quite honest here. While there were bits and pieces of DH I loved, overall I didn't care much for this book. But then I wasn't crazy about Half-Blood Prince either. I haven't thoroughly enjoyed a Harry Potter book since Order of the Phoenix. There were just too many flaws in this book and too many Tolkien similarities that made me roll my eyes. Below are some subjects and my thoughts on them.

All Things Snape

Snape's death really bothered me. Mostly because it was lame in the same way that Kirk's second death in 'Star Trek: Generations' was lame. Here, you have this legendary captain, and how does he die fighting Soren? A fucking wrought iron bridge falls on him and crushes him. Snape getting bit and poisoned by Nagini was just as lame to me. Totally not a warrior's death. And okay, the man's a God when it comes to potions. He doesn't carry one fucking antivenin on him? Snape deserved better and that's all I'm saying. He's the true hero of the book, after all.

I did enjoy reading about young Snape. Poor woobie with his jeans and his smock-type blouse and oversized coat. Did you not want to pick him up, feed him ice cream and hug the stuffin' out of him? His being in love with Lily didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. Though let's face it, I would have preferred him being in love with James. Shameless Snape/James shipper here. But seriously, The Prince's Tale was one of the few chapters that really moved me. This poor man did not have a shred of happiness in his life, and that kinda put the ol' squeeze-a-roo on my heart. I did walk out of this book loving Snape even more if that's possible. Oh, Snapey, I do weep for thee.

Another point I didn't like was that Snape's body was just left there. The man had no funeral service or words spoken about him. What's that us Snape fans say? No funeral. No body. No death.

Not nearly enough Snapeage to satisfy me.

Book Deaths

While we are on the subject of death, I thought I'd touch upon the other deaths of the book. While I'm totally not opposed to death and destruction, I got the 'Ooh, I think I'll play G.R.R Martin and prove to the world I can be just as cold hearted with my characters' lives.' Now while this works beautifully for Martin, this approach does not suit Rowling. I'm picturing Rowling with a bulletin board and a pack of thumbtacks randomly choosing whom to kill.

Mad Eye Moody - Moody's death really didn't bother me, but I always liked him as a character, and nobody likes to see characters they like die.

Fred Weasley - I've never been the hugest twins fan, but Fred's death did bother me. Frankly, Charlie should have been the one to bite it. He's just such a pointless Weasley to me. Fred's death was just shock value and unnecessary. And of course, Ginny is right up there with Charlie whom I wish would die a flaming Viking death.

gmth dear, you get BONUS points for 'And Let You Go' :-)

Remus Lupin - Totally utterly pointless. Was it really necessary to kill off EVERY FUCKING MARAUDER? And what point was there to him marrying and knocking up Tonks? What's more it wasn't even detailed how he fell. Was he killed with silver? Lupin deserved more than he was given that's for sure.

Peter Pettigrew - Now here's a man who deserved to die, but choking himself was just laughable to me. Especially as a means of repaying his life debt. He should have taken the Samurai route and stuck himself: P

Dobby - Goodbye to the token annoying Jar Jar Binks of the book series. Harry acted so ridiculous where Dobby was concerned, it was unbelievable. Hedwig wasn't as bad, but I got the impression Harry was more distraught over his owl than Lupin and Tonks. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Nymphadora Tonks - I neither liked nor disliked Tonks, but I was a bit irritated that Tonks, Lupin and Ted all had to die. Andromeda should be a fucking basket case after losing the three of them. And again here, how did Tonks die? These are things I want to know, man.

Bellatrix Lestrange - I was really rather disappointed that Molly was the one to take Bellatrix down. Bella should have died at Neville's hands. Either way, the bitch had to go. End of story.

Voldy - What can I say here? It was inevitable from book one. Of course, realistically speaking, nothing stays quiet forever, and some new Dark Lord will replace Voldemort. Lucius, anyone?

And of course there were other deaths like Scrimgeour, Creevey and Crabbe, and I could give a fuck about any of them. Just casualties of war to try and make the big picture seem grimmer.

Bits and Bobs I Didn't Like

1.) The middle of the book just dragged the fuck on. Enough with the Boy Scout campouts already.

2.) Not enough Snape.

3.) Hagrid still alive at the end.

4.) Lupin's OOCness. Anyone else have a hard time with his trying to shirk his responsibilities as husband and father?

5.) The strong Tolkien influence. When Harry and Ron were wearing Slytherin's locket, and it was making them behave oddly? Dude, that was just Frodo and fucking Sam and The One Ring. And the eye in the locket? *coughssauroncoughs*

6.) Harry forgiving Snape so easily. After six years of intense hatred? I don't think so, Jo. Angst, baby, angst.

7.) Just leaving poor Snape there.

Bits and Bobs I Did Like

1.) Kreacher. Talk about a complete 180. And I loved that he loved Regulus.

2.) Regulus. Well, I think we all knew that R.A.B. was Regulus, but it was nice to have that confirmation. And oh, the Inferi pulled my poor woobie down into the lake. I've always loved Regulus even though we never knew jack shit about him. But this just makes me love him even more.

3.) Luna Lovegood. Luna never really made much of an impression on me when I first read OotP, but after the last movie and now the last book, I do loves me some Luna.

4.) Neville Longbottom. Not a character you would really expect me to love, but oh, how I do. You shined, m'boy. And, psst, I'm all over the Neville/Luna ship.

5.) Ron and Hermione together. I've been a cheerleader of theirs from the get go. Probably one of the only canon ships I fully support.

6.) Narcissa Malfoy. She helped Harry, and that just intensified my love for Cissa. It may have been more to her benefit, but so the fuck what?

7.) The Malfoys being a loving family. Kind of a departure for me as I love ebil Lucius, but it was nice to see them portrayed in anything but a psychotic light.

8.) Lucius patting Snape on the back when Snape was first sorted into Slytherin. SNUCIUS!

9.) Wee mismatched Snape. It deserves another mention.

10.) THE HARRY/DRACO!!!! OMG, the broom ride! The Elder Wand! Draco's reluctance to identify Harry! Yes, yes - a thousand times yes! *G*

The Epilogue

A show of hands, please. Who did like the epilogue? Anyone? Anyone? Might I just be the millionth person to say how much I hated the fucking epilogue? What utter rot! Straight off of FF.net. I might have been okay with the book otherwise, but UGH, so so BAD. I mean, WTF, Draco with a receding hairline? When magic could so easily remedy this? I don't see this AT ALL. Malfoys are too vain. And why was it so important for her to name Ginny when Draco's wife went unnamed? And Scorpius was a Farscape ripoff.

New Ships

Albus Severus/Scorpius, Dumbledore/Grindelwald, and Neville/Luna!

My two Sickles as always…

--P